DON'T DON'T DO IT!
Produced by: FWFWMWH
For best results please listen with: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zoyiRis_-ds
*Title opens. There's a bwaum sound effect (please click below if you don't know what I'm talking about) and text appears on a black background and fades with the sound. Become familiar with this sound. It's used a lot. This is how you make mundane horse posts fun.*
Directed by: Theresa Lynn Carwile Fuller
*Bwaum sound effect*
*Bwaum sound effect*
*BWAUM SOUND EFFECT*
*Dramatic pause / fade to black*
Narrator: It was the coldest winter of the year since last year...
Theresa peers outside and up at the foreboding dark clouds and turns to Theresa's mother, "I don't think she'll foal with the weather like this."
Theresa's mother is replaced with a guy who could play AHAB in Moby Dick. The scene is mono-chromic blue except the light of the cigar. He has an eyepatch, stubble, hook for a hand, a cigar and a raspy voice to boot, "Aye, but she'll foal."
*close up on the old sailor exhaling smoke*
Theresa's mother / AHAB: “…. Sooner than you think.”
*BWAUM SOUND EFFECT*
*BWAUM SOUND EFFECT*
Theresa, replaced now with Jennifer Lawrence turns around quickly as screeching violins accompany the tight zoom to her face, “Oh Shi….”
A jump cut of T’s sister played by Jessica Alba screaming into a headset/Bluetooth, “WAS IT LIQUID OR SOLID? LIQUID OR SOLID?”
Theresa is seen screaming back watching Don’t from a monitor, “I DON’T KNOW!”
T’s sis, “THINK! WAS IT LIQUID OR SOLID?”
T, nearly in tears shakily screams into the phone, “IT LOOKED LIQUID!”
*BWAUM SOUND EFFECT*
Masses rush through the streets to get to monitors to watch.
Politicians start arguing against each other and slamming things on desks.
A cop ducks into his car to consult his CB.
A small child covers their mouth, wide-eyed in anticipation.
*BWAUM TO BLACK*
*Voice over, though the voice is shaky and distant*
T: I think it was liquid!
*More jump cuts resume now as well as the action, T, jumping over the gate with a bale of hay over her shoulder, replacing the completely average amount of hay Don’t has eaten.*
Narrator: One horse
*Jump cut of T’s mom / sailor looking at the baby monitor pointing with his hook as the horse eats some oats, doing nothing really noteworthy.*
Narrator: One foal
*Jump cut of T’s friends comforting each other in tears, the obvious lack of sleep evident on their faces, family members watching from an illuminated doorway with confused concern.*
Narrator: One due date
*Jump cut to T and T’s sister shoveling out the stall in a totally dramatic and action worthy way as the horse THEN decides to pee, absolutely normally.*
Narrator: But no one knows
*Jump cut to a guy that’s asleep on the couch with a crocheted afghan over him, that suddenly wakes when he hears a nicker. He rushes and puts on his glasses to stare at an endless stream of facebook updates.*
Narrator: …. When
*Jump cut to T falling to her knees as the horse simply chews two treats while watching T. The horse is obviously a bit bewildered*
T: DOOOOOOOON’T!
*Title*
DON’T DON’T DO IT
*BWAUM AGAIN*
Due Date: Apparently not tonight.
